Emotional Roller Coaster
by Queensbaby
Summary: It's hard to be in love with the most unlovable guy you've ever known. Ishizu is taken on an emotional roller coaster that is being controlled by Kaiba and must make a decision. Love him and hurt or leave him and hurt.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

_**Last night I cried, tossed, and turned**_

_**Woke up with dry eyes**_

_**My mind was racin'**_

_**Feet were pacin'**_

_**Lord help me please **_

_**Tell me what I have gotten into.**_

The day began the way it normally would. Ishizu climbed out of bed with weak legs and tired, bloodshot eyes. Sleep wasn't coming easy for her anymore. Not since Seto Kaiba walked into her life and into her bedroom. Of course, as was usually the case, he wasn't there anymore. Kaiba was never there to greet her by the time she woke up.

Ishizu began her normal morning routine. She went into her kitchen, pulled out a half a grapefruit from the refrigerator and a spoon, and sat down to eat. Once she had finished her sad excuse for a breakfast, she leaned her head up towards the ceiling and sighed. She would have closed her eyes, but they still stung from crying the night before. Slowly, Ishizu got up from the table, throwing the grapefruit peel in the garbage as she walked by, and made her way to the bathroom.

Surprisingly, Ishizu didn't look as bad as she felt. The only give away were her eyes that were red and crusted over with dry tears. After brushing her teeth, Ishizu disrobed, which was easy being as to how she was wrapped in a sheet, and treated herself to a long steamy shower. But no amount of soap and water could wash away her frustration and pain.

She stood in her shower, wishing that she could talk to Kaiba again, the way they used to talk. But nowadays it seemed as though he had lost all respect for her. He'd come to her when she thinks she needs it most and then leave her feeling like some kind of prostitute in the end. Even worse, it's not like she was even getting paid for it! All the payment she needed was the affection that she was giving him.

Once she was all washed and dressed, Ishizu took to cleaning her room. The task was simple enough. All she had to do was make up the bed and she would be done. Ishizu pulled all the sheets off the bed. As she gathered them in her arms, she noticed that they still held in Kaiba's scent, but she also noticed the wet mark on the pillowcase that she had cried on later. Without any more hesitation, she tossed the sheets into her laundry basket and remade her bed with clean sheets.

Ishizu scanned the room to see if there was anything else that should have been fixed before she left. That's when she spotted a belt on the floor, between her bed and the nightstand. It was Kaiba's. As she bent down to pick it up, memories of the night before flashed back into her head.

He had come over unannounced. For a fleeting moment, Ishizu almost felt happy that he had. Kaiba hadn't talked to her in days, but there he was, buttering her up with false apologies and eager contact. All she really wanted was to be able to talk to him again but Kaiba had somehow found a path around that and before she could say a word, he was already rocking on top of her. Suddenly, things were coming back. They had been through this before and it always ended the same. He would dodge all attempts at conversation until she fell asleep and then disappear into the night.

When Ishizu returned from within her own head, she realized that she was still standing in the middle of her room, holding Kaiba's belt. Her eyes started to sting again and they pleaded to let the tears fall like water from a faucet but she wouldn't let them. Once she was able to control herself again, Ishizu opened a dresser drawer and placed Kaiba's belt inside.

Ishizu had named the drawer her 'Kaiba drawer' just for kicks. So far there were two things inside; the belt she had just put in and a picture that Mokuba had taken. It was a picture of her and Kaiba's first kiss. She remembered that day too. One minute they were debating their beliefs, the next they were so consumed by each other's presence, they didn't even remember that there were other people there. The kiss couldn't have been more out of place or out of character, but it just felt so right and so true. Kaiba never looked at her or kissed her that way again. When Ishizu felt another tear forming she slammed the drawer shut. She had to get out of her house and she knew exactly where to go.

_**Ran my three miles to clear my mind**_

_**It always helps me out.**_

_**It's my therapy**_

_**When I'm loosin' it **_

_**Which is usually the case.**_

The Domino Museum. Ishizu's sanctuary. It was the one place she could go to just get away from all her problems. She loved to surround herself in familiar pieces from the land she loved so much. Ishizu took pride in her exhibit, even if her main reason for creating it was just to follow her brother into Japan and collect the cards safely. Those days now seemed so long ago.

Ishizu stayed in the Egyptian exhibit for a little over an hour before setting back for home. She was already feeling better. In fact, she decided to walk around the city a while before returning.

It wasn't a very nice day. The sky was gray and it looked like it would start raining, but Ishizu didn't mind too much. True, she wasn't a fan of the rain, but if it did, it would be something to keep her mind busy. Only a few blocks away from Kaiba corp. the rain came down, hard. Without realizing it, Ishizu immediately sought shelter at the side of a large building and tried to wait before running back to her car.

Ishizu paid no attention to the limo that had rolled up until it stopped in front of her. The window rolled down and Ishizu's stomach flopped with the sight of Kaiba looking as cold as ever. He motioned her towards him with the slightest finger movement. Ishizu didn't want to come to him but something was forcing her legs to move, removing her from her pitiful shelter.

"Stranded?" He asked in a very conservative manner.

"My car's by the museum, I'll be fine." Ishizu tried to assure him.

"Come on in. I'll give you a ride." Kaiba seemed not to hear her or not to care. Ishizu didn't want to get in with him. But then again, she didn't understand why she was getting so worked up about it. She could just walk away. She wanted to, but she didn't.

_**I'm on an Emotional Roller Coaster**_

_**Loving you ain't nothin' healthy**_

_**Loving you was never good for me.**_

_**But I can't get off.**_

Ishizu wouldn't have been so reluctant to get in the car if she believed that Kaiba would want to talk to her, but it was exactly what she feared. The second she closed the door, he was all over her.

"You were great last night." Kaiba half whispered in her ear with a self-confident grin. Ishizu could feel Kaiba's hands massaging her inner thighs. His erect dick rubbed against her legs. This wasn't what she wanted, but even still, she couldn't hold stifling a moan. As much as she hated it, his arousal was sparking her own. Kaiba quickly became more aggressive. He pulled at her dress upwards as a sign that he wanted her to hike it up. She held in another moan at the feeling of his arousal growing. She couldn't help it. She loved him and she loved the way he made her feel.

But how did he make her feel? Ishizu had to put her foot down this time. She was not a cheap thrill. She had a different kind of need that needed to be met. This kind of relationship wasn't healthy for her. Re-routing her passion into anger, Ishizu roughly pushed him away. She felt good doing it and gave him a look so that he would know how much she did.

"Well there's a look I haven't seen in a while." Kaiba somehow situated himself close to her again. "Is everything all right? Am I doing something wrong?" Ishizu's heart melted in an instant. Kaiba looked genuinely concerned about her for the first time. She wanted to scream about how much he hurt her but she couldn't. Instead, she sighed heavily and leaned her head on his shoulder.

"No, it's nothing. I'm fine now"

"Good." They rode in silence for a while until the limo came to a stop by the museum. Ishizu reached for the door but Kaiba grabbed her hand. "Hey Ishizu. I think I left a belt at your place last night, so... I may come by and pick it up."

And Kaiba did come over that night. Just when Ishizu thought things could start looking up for them again, Kaiba did what he always did. He forgot about his belt, but he took another piece of Ishizu's love for him and disappeared into the night.

_**Emotional Roller Coaster**_

_**Loving you ain't nothin' healthy**_

_**Loving you was never good for me.**_

_**But I can't get off.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

_**Yesterday I told myself **_

_**I was gonna be okay.**_

_**Gonna start a new day**_

_**Truly happy**_

_**I was gonna take control of me**_

A week had passed since the day Ishizu heard from Kaiba when she got caught in the rain. That night, when she realized that she was alone again, she didn't cry. Of course, she had been devastated.

With the help of self therapy, lots of bubble baths, Marik and Odion, and a new food, called ice cream, that was quickly becoming her favorite, Ishizu was learning to cope with the fact that Kaiba probably didn't love her. Ishizu sat looking at herself as she brushed her hair in a vanity mirror she had in the master bathroom.

Ishizu was sure that she hadn't given Kaiba the impression that she was only good for sex. She thought back to the situation in which they first met, the way she acted, the way she dressed, and still dressed. No. Ishizu was positive that she hadn't given him that impression. So what was it? She wanted to believe what everyone else did. That he was just a selfish, self centered, uncaring, unlovable jerk. But she could see that there was more to him than that. And she loved him. Ishizu didn't want to have to let him go, but she couldn't keep living that way.

When the doorbell rang, Ishizu answered hoping to see her brothers, but it seemed she was having very bad luck.

_**But eventually **_

_**Reality hit me.**_

_**Mentally, Physically, Emotionally.**_

Kaiba wasn't wearing his normal confident expression. He looked worn and tired but his eyes became brighter when he looked at Ishizu. With only that much, Ishizu completely forgot what she had been going through.

"I'm sorry I didn't call but I had a lot on my mind and I realized something." Kaiba bent down slightly to reach her level. "I missed you." Ishizu shook her head in disbelief. "Can I come in?" Kaiba asked politely, the grin slowly reappearing. Ishizu simply turned around and allowed him to enter. Mechanically, Kaiba closed and locked the door behind him and walked up to Ishizu. Kaiba wrapped his arms around her and immediately began kissing her neck and the side of her face all the way up to her room at the top of the stairs.

Inside the room, Kaiba eased the door closed with his foot. "Dim the lights like last time." He whispered. Ishizu did as she was told, dimming the lights a little. "More than that." He held on to her tighter.

"What's with the sudden modesty, Seto." She asked just to try getting him to talk to her a little.

"I'd rather not talk about it." He said brushing the question away immediately. Ishizu seemed un-surprised by his answer but she didn't care anymore. At least not at the moment. She needed this time with him tonight and allowed herself to be pulled over to the bed.

Kaiba twirled her around so that she was facing him. He began to pull up her dress while she removed his trench coat. She raised her arms above her head so that he could take the dress off. Hastily, he tossed her dress away and caressed her half-naked form. He ran his hands all the way down her back, stopping at the elastic of her panties. Slowly, he used his thumbs to pull the elastic down until it fell and hit the floor. Kaiba worked his way back up from behind her thighs to her rear. He used three of his fingers to caress the soft skin between her vagina and her rectum.

He pressed her body against his, mimicking the movements of sex. Ishizu unfastened her bra and quickly disposed of it, concentrating her attention on Kaiba. She could feel the hardness of his dick inside his pants as he gently pumped his pelvis against hers. As she was beginning to unzip his pants, she suddenly tossed her head back and gasped. Kaiba slid in and out of her using two of his fingers. She pulled his zipper down all the way, slid a hand inside his underwear and pulled out the star of the show. She began to stroke the length of his dick, admiring the way she could feel it throbbing in her hand. Kaiba's eyes rolled back as he let a loud moan escape his throat.

Ishizu loved the sound of him moaning. He did it so rarely though. Kaiba allowed her to stroke his manhood for a little while longer before he pushed her hand away, for fear that he would get over excited. Ishizu could feel her body tingle as he bent down and whispered in her ear.

"Lay down." He ordered. Ishizu lay on the bed, and waited for him. She watched, hiding her excitement, as Kaiba removed the rest of his clothes and crawled over to her. The fact that the lights had been turned down low added something to the atmosphere. It was fun because she could see but not everything and yet showed a modest side Kaiba never showed before. As he crawled on top of her, he allowed his dick to slide along her legs until it reached the point of penetration. He readjusted himself so that he could enter her without trouble and then dipped in.

Ishizu moved her body in time with his, and allowed her eyes to freely roll around in her head. She couldn't help but love the feeling of him inside her, moving their bodies as one, and if she got lucky, the sound of him crying out. She could feel when he was becoming more eager and she liked it because, if only for the moment, he really wanted her. Suddenly, Kaiba gave out another moan.

"You're really getting into this tonight." Ishizu said. Kaiba grinned at her in return.

"I live for this." He whispered in her ear. "Tell me you do too."

_**And I opened my eyes **_

_**And realized**_

_**That I was still being taken for a constant ride**_

_**On your...**_

_**Emotional Roller Coaster (Ewe baby)**_

_**Loving you ain't nothin' healthy (No it was never healthy for me)**_

_**Loving you was never good for me. (for me)**_

_**(Ewe, but I can't get off)**_

_**But I can't get off**_

Ishizu began to slow down as she thought but Kaiba seemed not to notice or not to care. She suddenly seemed aware of the fact that she was caught in a vicious cycle. He must have known how much she loved him and was using it. She did live for this, and she was killing herself because of it.

As he continued his steady rock on her, Ishizu stifled a cry of joy and pain. He was addictive. He was like some kind of horrible yet wonderful drug. A drug she couldn't quit, even though she knew that she would wind up having to. She needed to in order to survive. She would have to get rid of him and go on with her life. But was her dull old life worth giving him up?

These thoughts swirled through her brain, making her head hurt. She had to make a decision, and she did. Ishizu moved her body back in time with his and held onto him tightly, cherishing all the feelings of his body. She tried to look into his eyes, but they met for only a second before he diverted them.

Why wouldn't he look at her? Was it some kind of conscience that felt shame in putting her through this? Whatever it was, it only made her more sure of her decision. She loved him in a way not many people could, and now she was paying for it.

Ishizu gave him all she had, making sure that he would remember that night. She let him have all of her and in return her body demanded all his could give her. Kaiba quickened his pace even more, lifting Ishizu slightly off the bed. Ishizu was the first to let her passion flow. Ishizu cried out again and wrapped her legs around him.

Kaiba bit his lip and closed his eyes, determined not to let his orgasm burst. He pumped their bodies together, going as deep as he could. The sound of Ishizu's surprised voice calling him was followed immediately by a second climax that caught Kaiba off guard.

Sweat dripped from the heated forms, exhaustion consuming them. Kaiba couldn't hold on much longer. Ishizu ran her fingers down his spine. He felt rigid and tense and she waited until he could release himself. Kaiba relentlessly humped until he could take no more.

"Yes!" he yelled towards the ceiling as he released the cum that was building inside him. Ishizu watched him pull out of her, and lay her down with a look of complete satisfaction on his face. "Oh yes!" he continued to moan as he laid down beside her. "Ishizu, that was amazing." He growled in her ear once he had caught his breath. "Tell me you loved it, Ishizu." Kaiba finally took a good look at Ishizu and realized that she had been crying. "Ishizu, you're crying! "

Ishizu almost wanted to slap him for being so intelligent and yet so ignorant of normal human emotions. Then again, she had never let him see her cry before. And why did he suddenly seem to care now? Was it her fault that Kaiba was hurting her? Because she wouldn't say she was hurt? No. She had given him plenty of messages that he chose to ignore. So why now?

HOW WAS HE DOING THIS TO HER?

_**Emotional Roller Coaster**_

_**Loving you ain't nothin' healthy (you got me goin' up and down)**_

_**Loving you was never good for me (for me)**_

_**'cause...**_

"Why are you doing this to me Seto?" She whimpered into her hands. Kaiba looked at her, confused at first but then guiltily. Ishizu stopped crying and tried to put on a serious face like she used to. "You know how I feel about you but if you don't feel the same way, just say you don't. Don't use me like this. I can't take it; you're killing me Seto.

"I tried my hardest but I've failed this time. I must leave this place, tomorrow. I'm sorry but I refuse to see you again after tonight." Ishizu looked heartbroken but tried to keep herself calm. Seto, on the other hand, just nodded his head a little and let the new information sink in. For a long time there was silence. "Seto please say something."

"What?" He asked, still avoiding her eyes.

"I don't know. Wish me luck on my trip back home. Tell me I'm making the right choice. Let me go on with my miserable excuse for a life without regretting not being able to add something to yours. Tell me... that you don't love me."

"I don't love you." Kaiba said as coldly as it was flat. Ishizu cringed slightly. She was thrown off guard by how quickly and bluntly he had said it. "Furthermore, I think you're psychotic and need a hell of a vacation. What's with all this emotional garbage? It's for idiots and losers, and the quicker you figure that out the better. I don't know what your problem is. I had fun."

"That's because you're an unfeeling, insensitive, stubborn jackass." She calmly defended. It was almost as though knowing the truth was re-sharpening her senses. But still, she felt incredibly hurt. Ishizu pulled up the covers and laid down in her bed. "I have a long day tomorrow. I'm going to sleep. Please lock the door behind you whenever you decide to leave." Ishizu pulled the covers up to her chin and shut her eyes tightly, forcing herself to fall asleep.

But Kaiba didn't leave. He watched her sleep for nearly half an hour, until he was sure she had fallen asleep. He lightly tapped her face to see if she would stir, which she did not. Assured he leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. She almost seemed to return his kiss, but when he lifted his head, she was still asleep. Tears streamed from her sleeping lids, but Kaiba brushed them away. The way he always did, but it would seem that this would be the last time.

_**So tired of you makin' love to me**_

_**Then disappearing so suddenly**_

_**Up and Down it goes**_

"You shouldn't cry Ishizu, it doesn't suit you. Damn, I feel like a coward only being able to do this when you're sleeping." Kaiba stood up and began to gather his clothes. "So you've finally had enough of me. I could see that coming. But you held on for a long time and I'll always respect you for that." Kaiba shook his head. "Sorry Ishizu, it shouldn't have ended this way.

"I could tell you were frustrated and upset with me but I didn't know what to do. I've never felt this way about anyone and I couldn't express it without feeling vulnerable. I hate that feeling. And I hate what I've put you through.

"Whatever happened to all the crap about destiny and fairy tales? Whatever happened to that 'I know something you don't' attitude? Whatever happened to that annoying as hell Egyptian woman that I couldn't stand and yet, was the only woman I really talked to. The constant debates and not listening to half the crap and insults I spit out. What happened to that? God Ishizu, you're so much weaker then you used to be. Did I do that to you?

"Well that's going to end right here." Kaiba got dressed as he spoke. "Only the strong survive in this world and you should be one of them. My hate for my adopted father, Gozaburo, fueled me to try my hardest and show him up. It made me stronger." Kaiba finished dressing and leaned over the bed again. "And if hating me makes you stronger, then I think you should go ahead and hate me."

Kaiba walked over to her dresser and opened the drawer that held his belt. After taking back his belt, he noticed the photo. Kaiba had never seen it before and smiled to himself. "Is this what's been motivating you to stay?" He asked the subconscious Ishizu. "Well I think I'll just keep this. Just in case you try to make it work out again. I know your kind. In fact..."

Kaiba checked some more of her drawers. He knew she kept stationary somewhere. When he found it, he wrote out a little letter for her, reading it aloud as he wrote:

_Dear Ishizu, Maybe I over reacted a little bit. I promise to make it up to you. I'll meet you before you ship out and say goodbye the right way! If you wear the right thing, I might just tell you what you always wanted to hear. Kaiba (Seto)._

"That sounds bullshit enough. Just so that you get confused, maybe give your hopes up, and leave really pissed when I don't show. As always." As he made his way back over to her bed, he gazed at her, remembering every detail. "Trust me Ishizu, you won't be soon forgotten... I lo-...lo-..." but he couldn't bring himself to say it. Instead he bent down and kissed her once again. That said it all, he put all his love into that one kiss and yet, it was the lightest and most gentle he ever had. This time he was sure that she was kissing him back, but even if she was, he didn't care. It wouldn't change anything. When he broke the kiss, Ishizu looked to be only slightly awake. She was in a dreamy state and probably wouldn't remember anyway.

"Goodbye Seto." She called sleepily as he exited the room. Before closing the door, Kaiba looked back at her. Ishizu's eyes were already closing.

"Goodbye Ishizu." He answered quietly. And with that he left.

**_And I'm so tired of you pacifying me_**

**_With promises you know that you'll never keep._**

**_Round and round it goes_**

When Ishizu woke in the morning she was confused. The first thing she did was call to see when the first possible boat for Egypt would arrive. Sadly, there wouldn't be another one for three days. She ordered for her things to be picked up on that boat and began to pack.

But something kept pressing at her mind. She was sure she remembered Kaiba talking to her the night before. She spent the whole morning trying to convince herself that it was just a dream. What she needed was a long bath.

So that's what she did. She ran herself a long luxurious bath with all the extra little frills. As she soaked, she tried to remember everything that happened. She had finally told Kaiba off, he admitted that he didn't love her, and she went to sleep.

But then there was the dream. Kaiba had apologized for treating her unfairly; he had kissed her, practically admitted to being in love with her. None of this sounded like the Seto Kaiba she had fallen in love with. But then she also remembered something about him calling her weak, and that sounded a lot like him. There was also something about the picture and his belt and... A LETTER! He left it in the dresser. If it was a dream the belt and picture would still be there, and there wouldn't be a letter because she dreamt it!

Soaking wet, she emerged from the tub and loosely wrapped a towel around her as she walked to her room. Sure that it was just a dream she confidently opened her 'Kaiba drawer' and reached for the picture.

But to her shock, it wasn't there! The picture and the belt were gone! However there was a piece of parchment there. Her heart seemed to stop. She couldn't believe it. Desperate, she opened the letter and read it, praying that it didn't sound familiar. But it did, and suddenly everything that happened came back to her.

She couldn't believe it. It was true! It was all true! Kaiba did love her and now he was letting her go. She fell to the floor, thunderstruck and confused. Every single word he had said in her 'dream' was what he really felt. Ishizu had cried over Kaiba many times during their relationship, but she had never really broken down before, so when she did she didn't know the exact reason for it.

She was unsure of whether it was because she was happy that he loved her or was upset that she had to find out like that. And what about everything that happened last night? She could tell him that she knew he was in love with her and that she still loved him, but what would that do?

The more she thought about it, the clearer the answer became. Absolutely nothing. Kaiba was expecting that she would change her mind. That's why he wrote the letter. In case she decided to, she would try to tell him before she got on the boat. But he wouldn't even be there!

If she tried to go to his house and explain, he'd just throw insults until she left. The truth was that, even though Kaiba loved her, he didn't want her to come back to him. He wanted her to go back to Egypt and hate him.

"He thinks... I'm weak?" Ishizu whispered to herself. The tears were beginning to sting now. She understood why she was breaking down. It wasn't because she was happy that he loved her. It wasn't because she was upset about finding out this way. The real answer was simpler. "He's gone." She choked out. "And he won't come back."

_**(I am on a... **_

_**Ewe... Ain't nothin' healthy 'bout it babe**_

_**Nothin' healthy 'bout it baby...)**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

The rain came down relentlessly over those next three days and the world was filled with gloom. With no other option, Ishizu did the only thing she could do. She packed. That whole first day she did nothing but pack. It didn't matter anyway. She had told Kaiba the previous evening that she would be leaving today. As far as Kaiba was concerned, she had already left.

By the second day, she was all packed up, and the men from the boat had taken her stuff on board, ready to be shipped out the next day. She didn't know where she would put her things once she got back to Egypt again, but she figured that she would worry about that when the time came.

She also, officially, moved out of her place, sold her car, and alerted her brothers of her departure. She sought shelter with Odion for the night but didn't get much sleep.

On the third day, she walked around with Marik and Odion until late in the afternoon. When the sun started to set, she bid farewell to her brothers and made her way to the docks. She would be riding on a large boat with many other passengers on board and her things would be dropped off in Cairo.

The boat wasn't due to leave for another three hours, so for those three hours she waited on the deck, looking out at the rain pouring over Domino for the last time. She would miss the city, but all the while she tried to convince herself that her place was back home. Back in Egypt. There was a roar of sailor's voices echoing throughout the dock. From what she could hear, they were talking about the boat leaving in three minutes. That's when Ishizu got an unexpected call.

She used her cell phone so rarely, that it took her a while to realize that the annoying sound she was hearing was coming from her. After remembering which button she was supposed to press, Ishizu doubtfully spoke into the phone. "Hello?"

"Ishizu!" A familiar voice rang out. "Where are you! Are you on the boat? Has it left yet?" She looked at the phone in confusion.

"Mokuba? Is that you?"

"Yeah it's me." He said, sounding worried. "Have you left yet?"

"Mokuba, how did you know I was still in Domino?" she asked. From her knowledge, neither of the Kaiba brothers should have been aware of her presence.

"I just found out. Marik told Yugi, who told Tea, who told me. Now, have you left yet?"

"No, I'm about to. What's wrong?" she could tell by the tone in Mokuba's voice that this wasn't just a friendly goodbye.

"Its Seto. He won't admit it, but he really misses you. I think he's suffering."

"How?" She asked immediately. Her stomach had hit the floor with a bang and she was instantly filled with worry.

"He's all passive and he's gloomy all the time. Please Ishizu, don't leave. I know my big brother isn't the most emotionally expressive guy in the world or the most romantic, but you have to understand that he was doing the best he could."

"I do understand that now but..."

"Then stay. You can't do this to him. He loves you. I know the two of you are smart enough to make it work without being miserable. Please?" Mokuba begged. Ishizu was beginning to fall apart again. As she got to know him more, Mokuba had sort of become the little brother she wasn't able to have with Marik growing up.

Ishizu gave a heavy sigh. "Where's Seto? Let me speak with him." There was an uncharacteristic silence suddenly.

"Actually Ishizu I don't know where he is right now. He walked home from work and he hasn't come back yet." The boat whistle sounded and the ship began to make its way across the ocean. Ishizu looked around and saw how hard the rain was coming down. Like herself, she knew that Seto was not a fan of the rain.

"Mokuba, it's pouring out there! How long has he been gone?"

"A few hours. But I'm sure he's... Seto!" Mokuba yelled in the distance.

"I'm fine Mokuba. Go to bed."

"But Seto, it's only seven o'clock."

"Don't argue with me Mokuba! Go!" There was another long silence before Ishizu interrupted.

"Mokuba what's going on."

"He's just sitting out there. Seto... he looks like he's going to... but he can't... he wouldn't!" Ishizu had heard enough. Without a second thought about the logic of it, she took off her waterproof coat and her shoes, hung up the phone, and dove off the boat.

_**Emotional Roller Coaster**_

_**Loving you ain't nothin' healthy **_

When Ishizu arrived at the gates of the Kaiba mansion, she could immediately see what Mokuba had been so shaken up about. It shook her up too. She could hardly believe her eyes as she walked closer and closer to the gate. Her heart sunk, but at the same time, she felt happier. Kaiba was sitting on the ground with his back to the gate, soaking wet from the rain. And the strangest part of all, he was crying.

They were the pitiful whines of a man that couldn't take anymore. The whines of a man who was angry with his self. The whines of a man who wasn't used to crying. He covered his face in shame of his weakness.

"Damn it. Why won't it stop." He muttered to himself, still unaware of Ishizu's presence.

"Why won't what stop?" Ishizu asked, now at the gate. Kaiba jumped and quickly turned around angrily at the intruder. When he saw her, she could tell that he was shocked and confused.

"Ishizu! What are you doing here? I thought you went back to Egypt." He answered nastily. This came as no surprise to Ishizu. She had expected him to react this way from the beginning. "Or were you so pathetic that you had to come back for another try."

"From here it doesn't look like I'm the pathetic one Seto. Not anymore." He looked like he would jump up and slap her right in the face if there weren't a gate between them, but his eyes were still red and teary.

"Then what do you want from me Ishizu? Say what you have to and leave." If she didn't know better, Ishizu would have sworn that had been a plea rather than a command.

"I'm here because you can't seem to keep yourself out of trouble. Really now, I'm gone for three days and you have nothing better to do than sit in the rain. I'm surprised at you. Aren't you the one that said I needed to get a life?"

"Funny Ishizu." Kaiba said, starting to pick himself up from off the ground and facing her. "But seriously, why are you here?"

"I heard what you said that night. About how you didn't know how to act. How you'd never been in love before..."

"Ishizu stop." He interrupted, but Ishizu was going to say what she came here to say.

"But more importantly, how I had changed. You're right about that. I did change, and it wasn't fair to you."

"Ishizu..."

"No, Seto. Let me finish. When I first met you, I knew you'd be a difficult person to deal with. And when we became close, I knew we wouldn't have a very… conventional relationship. I don't know what happened. Something inside of me stopped working correctly. For some reason, which seems ridiculous to me now, I thought that you'd become this perfect man who would whisper sweet nothings in my ear and we'd share each and every emotion we felt with each other.

"And when that didn't happen I thought that I was to blame and I felt weaker. And the weaker I became the more difficult I was. I started to blame you for not being that perfect man and I blamed myself for not being able to make you that man and for being in love with you. The only thing that kept me going was remembering the man I could feel inside of you. Someone who is completely devoted and caring.

"But I realize now that you're not just that man and that's not the Seto Kaiba I fell in love with. You're also jealous, power-hungry, sadistic, stubborn, emotionally disabled, a complete and total jackass…"

"Are you done?" Kaiba interrupted.

"But I still loved you. I knew you weren't just those things. I know you blame yourself for what happened between us, but it's my fault too. I was so wrapped up in this image of what our relationship should be like and in hating myself for not being able to make it happen, that I didn't realize that you were completely oblivious about what to do when you're in love."

"No really, you're too kind. Stop…please." Seto remarked sarcastically, embarrassed about all of this being said so bluntly.

"The point is, I know what's wrong now and I won't make the same mistake. I just don't want to loose what we do have."

"Ishizu wait." Kaiba interrupted. "You're being too hard on yourself. Most of it is my fault. Even if you did get some kind of bloated, sappy, image of me, I didn't make things any easier. I changed too."

"You didn't know how to deal with your feelings."

"That's no excuse. I changed on purpose to protect myself."

"What do you mean?" Both Kaiba and Ishizu leaned into the gate, so close, that they could almost touch each other.

"I mean, I didn't want to open myself up to you Ishizu. I didn't want to feel the way I do. It hurts and it makes me feel weak. I just wanted what we had to be like what I had with every other girl; sex based purely on physical attraction without disruption from emotion attachment.

"The first time I kissed you, I realized that there was something serious happening and it bothered me. It didn't just bother me; it fucking scared the hell out of me Ishizu. You understand? Things went okay for a little while but then I noticed how upset you were getting and that made me feel like crap and frustrated. I even went so far as to ask you to turn the lights down so that I wouldn't have to see your pain when we were together.

"I'd treat you like shit when we were together, and apologize while you slept. I don't know, maybe I thought that you'd realize how weak I was and leave me so I tried to ignore how I felt about you."

Ishizu paused for a moment taking in everything that he said. Seto cast his eyes away from her in shame. She didn't like seeing him like this. The defeated boy on the other side of the gate was not the Seto Kaiba she fell in love with. Ishizu wanted her arrogant bastard back.

"Seto I don't hate you and I'm not going to because of what happened. But you need to know something that I learned recently. Showing your emotions won't make you weak and hate doesn't make you stronger. Hating your father isn't what made you stronger. It was the love you had for Mokuba and wanting him to have everything that fueled you and your love for the duel and of power. That's what made you strong.

"Stomping all over you, and hating you isn't going to make me any stronger Seto. I found so much strength in knowing that you love me and knowing the truth about why things went wrong and you will too. We both messed up but that's okay. We'll know what to look out for now. But Seto, I'm not ready to give us up."

There was a long silence afterwards. Ishizu hung on to every passing second. She needed to hear his response. It was done. They had laid everything out in the open. As the seconds ticked past without a response from Kaiba, she felt her eyes well up with tears. She was struggling to hold them back. Ishizu couldn't tell if Seto was crying or not. His entire body was soaking wet just like she was.

Kaiba had been keeping his head lowered towards the ground for most of the silence. After about a minute or so, he raised his face towards the sky with his eyes closed. He ran a hand across his face and through his hair. Finally, Kaiba came to his feet and met Ishizu eye level.

She couldn't tell by looking at him what he was going to say. She was doing the best she could to stand up straight and hold back her tears. She desperately wanted to hear him say something good. She looked into his eyes but could find none. Suddenly, she felt his hand grasp her's comfortingly.

"I don't accept failure." He finally replied, gently. She couldn't take anymore, her emotions were going crazy. Relief spread throughout her body but her tears still came down. Kaiba's arms found their way through the gate and embraced her. His lips followed, planting a sweet kiss atop her forehead. "Stop crying Ishizu." He said over her head. It sounded as though he himself was choking back a lump in his throat. "It doesn't suit you."

"It doesn't seem to favor you either." She both cried and laughed into his chest.

"Let's agree to never cry like this again." Kaiba tried to joke. Ishizu was still choking on her tears and unable to speak but nodded furiously. He raised one of his hands up behind her head and lightly pet her.

"I love you." She whispered in his ear. She felt his body tremble next to hers. He raised his head with a pained expression on his face. As much as she knew he wanted to say it, forming the words was too hard, too alien for him. Despite this, she could see him trying to reply.

She quickly raised a finger to his lips and motioned his face towards hers. Ishizu reached through the bars and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. The moment their lips met, a shock wave passed through them both. If not for his arms there to hold her up, she surely would have fallen to the ground in tears. Emotions were running high for the both of them, going up and down and all around, in loops and spirals and twists. It was an ongoing emotional roller coaster for the both of them and there were no brakes. The kiss said it all. Finally, Ishizu heard Kaiba say the four words she'd been waiting to hear for so long. I Love You Too!

_**Loving you was never good for me...**_

_**But I can't get off!**_

**The End**

_That's it guys. Tell me what you thought (please)!_


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